I know- this is totally silly.
I've just barely had a baby, only six weeks ago. There are loads of pregnancy-related things (I won't go much further than that, just in case you've recently eaten...) still going on with my body. My milk supply is still regulating at this point to feed my child. My hormones are adjusting to my body walking around by itself again after almost a year of being intricately intertwined with another being.
I told myself that this time around, I'd be gentle with my body.
Well, for at least the first few months.
When little man was born, I didn't care what I looked like or how much weight I was still holding on to. At that point, I was just trying to figure out what my child needed, how to fulfill those needs, and how to be a good mother to him. I lost all the pregnancy weight plus ten pounds within a reasonable period of time. To be honest, because I didn't really care and wasn't concerned about it, I can't remember now how long it took to be exact. I know I had lost all the weight by somewhere between six months and a year.
So, this time around, I didn't think I would care either. But I do.
I don't know if it's the fact that I'm not obsessing over every little scrunched face little lady makes, trying to identify what it means or what she needs. It could be because I am much more relaxed and that leaves me to worry about other non-important things like my body at this point. Either way, there are some days where I just am massively uncomfortable with my body.
Which is kind of odd, because I tend to travel from one extreme of body image to the other in a short period of time.
There are days where I feel absolutely wonderful about my body. I carry my saggy mama pooch, angry looking stretch marks, and massively engorged milk factories around with such pride. I am mother, hear me roar, right? Those days, I feel so strong in what my body is capable of doing. I produced life. I am single-handedly feeding my child with only my spectacular body. I am strong, yet soft. Capable and willing to provide for every need my new daughter has.
|One of those days where I just felt GREAT about my body.|
I know some of it has to do with my clothes. Trying to sandwich myself into super snug pre-pregnancy clothing makes me not only massively uncomfortable but also emotionally damaged. Trying to yank up my super baggy maternity clothing all day long just doesn't work when you're running around with two children. I went out and purchased a new pair of jeans recently, and having one pair of pants that actually fit and don't cut off my circulation or fall down constantly really did seem to help me feel a little better.
I also know some of it has to do with the fact that lately I've been back in my pajamas every day, with no make-up on and my hair barely even washed much less styled, especially after I'd done so well at keeping up taking care of myself a bit better since the Mommy Makeover Challenge a few months ago. Once I get back into the swing of things in the morning and at least begin putting on a little mascara every day, I know I'll feel a bit better. Lately, both babes have been waking up at almost the exact same time each morning, so it doesn't lend to a ton of time for myself to start the day. I could wake up early to get gussied up, but- let's be honest- I have a one month old and a two year old, and that just isn't going to happen.
I'm trying to recognize that these feelings are a bit crazy and give myself those positive affirmations each day of what my body just did and is now accomplishing. It's helping somewhat.
I just hope I start feeling a little more like myself soon- no matter what body I happen to be living in at that time.