Friday, December 21, 2012

A walk down memory lane

We've been on team get-stuff-done lately.  The other day, as I was changing the sheets and setting up the bassinet for little lady's upcoming arrival- I found myself folding newborn sleepers and clothing at our dresser, in front of our mirror.

It's funny the little things that remind you of a memory or a feeling.

As I stood in front of the mirror, quite pregnant with baby number two, I had a deja-vu moment of watching myself rock little man and walk him around the room to get him to sleep as an infant.  At that time, when he was so little, I remember watching myself in the mirror rocking and shushing to calm him.  Little man couldn't have been more than a month or two old at that point, and I was still adjusting to the sight of myself caring for a baby.  Watching myself rock him in the middle of the night in a dimly lit room, while DH slept for his next day at work was almost like peeling back the layers of an onion.

In some of those moments, I was discovering myself as a mother.  I was coming to terms with who I was after having a child.  I was realizing just what role I played at that point- and just how much I'd changed already.  

Those were really calm, quiet moments that little man and I shared together in the night.  Moments that I hope I never forget.  Because- in those quiet moments- I learned just what type of a parent I wanted to be.  I learned to be thankful for those times when we were awake together when the whole world seemed to be sleeping.  I learned to breathe in his little body and feel his soft skin nestled next to mine, like there was nowhere else in the world he wanted to be.  I was truly able to learn each and every detail of his beautiful face and sweet little hands.  I learned to thank my lucky stars for somehow stumbling into this life that was better than I ever could have imagined.  

After I put away little lady's linens and clothing, I stood in the mirror for a few minutes more.

I looked over my belly and felt for baby kicks.  

I connected deeply with the child in my belly and just took in the moment of being with her in the silence of a dimly lit room at night.

If she is anything like little man was and is, little lady and I will have plenty of those late-night moments to discover each other and ourselves.  

And- just like I have with little man- I hope I remember every single moment of it with the new baby.

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1 comment:

  1. This is so beautiful, it brought tears to my eyes!


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