We've been on team get-stuff-done lately. The other day, as I was changing the sheets and setting up the bassinet for little lady's upcoming arrival- I found myself folding newborn sleepers and clothing at our dresser, in front of our mirror.
It's funny the little things that remind you of a memory or a feeling.
As I stood in front of the mirror, quite pregnant with baby number two, I had a deja-vu moment of watching myself rock little man and walk him around the room to get him to sleep as an infant. At that time, when he was so little, I remember watching myself in the mirror rocking and shushing to calm him. Little man couldn't have been more than a month or two old at that point, and I was still adjusting to the sight of myself caring for a baby. Watching myself rock him in the middle of the night in a dimly lit room, while DH slept for his next day at work was almost like peeling back the layers of an onion.
In some of those moments, I was discovering myself as a mother. I was coming to terms with who I was after having a child. I was realizing just what role I played at that point- and just how much I'd changed already.
Those were really calm, quiet moments that little man and I shared together in the night. Moments that I hope I never forget. Because- in those quiet moments- I learned just what type of a parent I wanted to be. I learned to be thankful for those times when we were awake together when the whole world seemed to be sleeping. I learned to breathe in his little body and feel his soft skin nestled next to mine, like there was nowhere else in the world he wanted to be. I was truly able to learn each and every detail of his beautiful face and sweet little hands. I learned to thank my lucky stars for somehow stumbling into this life that was better than I ever could have imagined.
After I put away little lady's linens and clothing, I stood in the mirror for a few minutes more.
I looked over my belly and felt for baby kicks.
I connected deeply with the child in my belly and just took in the moment of being with her in the silence of a dimly lit room at night.
If she is anything like little man was and is, little lady and I will have plenty of those late-night moments to discover each other and ourselves.
And- just like I have with little man- I hope I remember every single moment of it with the new baby.