Before I post my 32 week update, there are a few things I needed to get off of my chest.
This past week has been terrible. Pretty much most of what could go wrong has, and it hasn't been an easy week for anyone in our little family.
It started out with DH & I finding out about a problem that was going on at our daycare, and we needed to find a new place for little man to be as soon as possible. So, in just about three day's time, we went from one daycare to finding a new daycare for little man. I'd rather not go deeply into the details of why we left, but let's just say it was a very emotional transition for us as a family, not to mention the fears of putting our child in an unfamiliar environment and hoping he does well. (He did, just fine actually, but it was a really emotional week figuring everything out.)
Then the transmission in my car died. Thankfully, it is under warranty, as we just bought this new-to-me car earlier this year, so now I get to drive around in a rental for a while. (I think you finally know when you're an adult... when driving a rental is no longer fun- just an inconvenience that your car and your things are not the same...). The worst part is that my car had decided to break down on DH while he was driving it two towns away at night, without his cell phone.
You know where this is going, right?
He walked for almost an hour to a grocery store, then called me. At that time, I had little man in the bathtub and didn't pick up. So, he proceeded to continue to walk home. By the time I got little man in bed and actually received the message, it was dark, and he'd been walking for almost two hours. I frantically called a friend who drove around in the dark until he found DH and brought him home. (Thank you Adam!) Oh, and did I mention this was on DH's birthday? Nice, right?
That led to a day or so of frantically trying to figure out what was wrong with the car, carpooling back and forth to the car to get it towed to the dealer, getting the dealer to actually look at it, and then carting all of us over to the dealer to pick up a rental before I had to go back to work the next day. Basically, just a lot of hassle.
Well, then the next day (or was it the day before? I can't remember now...) my boss at one of my jobs (if you remember correctly, I work three different places) called and told me that my part-timer status would no longer be eligible for benefits as of January first of 2013. This is my only job with benefits. Um, what? Okay... Sooooo.... Would that mean my maternity leave would be covered? What would happen to all my vacation hours? My short term disability?
Again, thankfully, I was able to find out that as long as my last day of work is in December, that they will cover my short term disability. If I work one day in January, however, they will cover nothing except my full amount of vacation will be paid out. But, again, just another reason to freak out the pregnant lady....
Then finally, the other day I went to my endocrinologist appointment. I had mentioned previously that my TSH (thyroid) levels were off on my latest pregnancy-related blood work. The Ob had referred me to a specialist to monitor me throughout and after my pregnancy.
When I went to see the endocrinologist, I filled out several forms, answered a ton of questions, and completed his exam. When he was finished doing a basic examination, the doctor took me a few rooms down and did an ultrasound of my thyroid. (Yep, because I needed another one. Wonder if I should count this one into my ever-growing number of pregnancy related ultrasounds?)
By the way, little man was with me this whole time and was a dream child. He sat quietly in my lap during the questions, watched closely as the doctor examined me in the room, and sat on the bed by my side and quietly watched as the doctor did the ultrasound. I could not have asked for a better behaved child!
Anyway, the results of the ultrasound weren't so great.
The doctor told me that I have two nodules on my thyroid, one that was 2 cm in size and one that was 1.15 cm in size. The doctor advised me that his next step would be to do a biopsy to see if they are benign or malignant, but that he would not recommend doing it yet, because I am pregnant. The doctor reported that he typically liked to wait until after the pregnancy in this sort of a situation, as he wouldn't treat cancer or anything of that nature until I had the baby since I was so close to my due date at 32 weeks.
So, there's that.
I honestly was fine at the appointment. Little man was trying to play peek a boo with me at that point in time, and I was just trying to keep him smiling and happy while the doctor explained everything to me.
When I got home, I got a little more frantic.
I think anytime any doctor gives you a diagnosis that could be very scary, many things go through your mind. I had several thoughts about my husband, my child, my new baby, my family. For a little while there were some significant fears that crossed my mind. This could be a very scary thing. The thought of losing my family and my family losing me is almost unbearable.
I gave myself the rest of the night to think about it and process the situation.
Then, the next morning, I put it out of my head.
At this point in time, the doctor was right. It could be something really simple and little as some benign nodules. It could be something like cancer, but at this point, there is nothing to be done but wait until I have the baby. I have a significant family history of thyroid problems, and in that esteemed group of women, even in those who have had cancer, they are all still living and breathing and thriving like the strong, tough women they are. My family has shown me that thyroid cancer is a treatable cancer.
But, at this point, it isn't healthy for either me, the baby I am carrying inside, or my family for me to walk around in fear of what might be. We'll know when we know. For now, I'm focusing on what I've been doing since day one of this pregnancy- fighting to give my unborn child the healthiest environment I can, even against adversity. I'm taking comfort in the thought that it could be absolutely nothing, and that it isn't something I need to worry about at this point.
Sure, it might be a little inconvenient and difficult for my impatient self to wait until my scheduled biopsy in the end of January, but I'm pretty sure I'll have someone pretty wonderful to distract me until that point.
So, while I think that overall, this week has been a whole bowl of suck, it might have been a good thing for me personally. To be able to get through everything not-so-great that happened this week and still remain positive at the end of it, that is a win.
I have my husband, my son, my unborn baby girl, and my family and friends surrounding me. I have so much to be thankful for, to be happy about. There's no room in my head for sad or scared thoughts at this point, thank you very much.