Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Nighttime cuddles

We've had a few rough sleep nights the past few weeks.

Little man has been waking up more than normal, a few times on his own accord, but mainly in response to all the thunderstorms we've had recently at night (but thank goodness for the rain!) and because of a few other nighttime noise problems we've had as well.  We've fixed the second problem, but I don't think you can 'fix' thunder just to go away :)

The thought of your toddler waking up and needing you to get back to sleep while you are halfway through a pregnancy probably doesn't sound too appealing.  However, it has been such a sweet reminder of all those tender little moments we've shared cuddling in the night when he was a teeny babe.  

Every time he has woken recently, as soon as I go into his room and pick him up, little man lays his little head on my shoulder, quiets immediately, and cuddles in to fall back to sleep.  A few times, all I had to do was hold him for a minute or so, rocking only because it made me happy to rock him, and then tuck him back into bed with a kiss.  There are a few times as well these past few weeks, that I've brought him back to bed to cuddle for a little bit longer.  

While holding his small, content, sleepy body next to mine, I've been thinking about just how much he has changed since he was born.  I've been thinking about just how much I have changed since he has been born. And I've been thinking about just how much things are going to change when his little sister is born.  At first, I felt very, very emotional about it.  I wondered if I'd be able to have these special moments with him, if I'd be able to appreciate these special moments with him, when we have a new baby in the house.  I did what probably every other pregnant mama-of-one does, and wondered just how much I'll be shaking up his happy little world by bringing another baby into the home.  I wondered if he'd lose out because of it, if our relationship would change too much or suffer from it.  

But then I kind of sat back, and re-framed it for a minute.

It was like 2 in the morning on a work night, when I'd have to wake at 5:00a.  And there I was, snuggling little man not because he needed it, but because I wanted that closeness to him.  And I realized, if I'm nuts enough to enjoy being woken up at 2a, and actually prolong the amount of time before I get back to sleep at 2a, to spend time with this child with whom I'm so enamored, it's not going to change as much as I think.  I'm sure there are going to be moments where I have to tend to little lady first, and for a while she is going to need more than he does.  But my love for little man isn't going to change negatively because of this life event, it is only going to become stronger.  And, knowing me, I'm going to seek out those moments with him just to feel that closeness, even if I can't be as present as frequently as I have been so far.

So for the time being, I'm welcoming those middle of the night wakings with open arms, and am thankful for every little snuggle I am given.

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