Monday, April 30, 2012

My baby is getting so big!

He's still my baby.  

But he is getting so big!  

Today little man wanted to spend the whole day walking around with his push toys.  Normally he just walks around on the carpet, but today he went for it (he didn't have socks on, gasp in horror now, lol) and was all over our kitchen tile walking with his push toys.  He goes so fast, I am breathing just as fast as he is running around!  Did I also mention he's teething again?  Yep, 4 more teeth, about to make their debut too.  He also has been adding to his list of words every day (like saying dada, mama, uh-oh, boom, vroom, bubble, hi, bye, up, and even doing some signing).  I swear, just a minute ago, he was swaddled up like a little burrito tucked into our bassinet.  

Because time moves so, so fast, I want to stop for a minute and celebrate the little baby who has now turned into a little man.  So, dear child of mine, a letter to you:

From the moment we found out that I was pregnant, there was nothing but excitement.  I had wished for you for so long, I almost couldn't believe we had actually been lucky enough to have you.  In everything I did prior to giving birth to you, I thought of you.  From the little things to the big life changes, I wanted everything I did to be to prepare for your arrival.  I modified my diet, my routines, our home.

When you did arrive, it was a moment of pure joy.  I may have described this before, but that moment, when they placed you on my chest, and your little eyes looked up into mine, that is the single most amazing thing that ever happened to me.  Your beautiful face, I could not have wished for anything more perfect, and I sobbed as I held you, overwhelmed with love.  You not only had my heart from the beginning, but you captured my soul as well.  I am not a spiritual person, by any means, but that moment was the closest I've ever had to a heaven.  

In the beginning, you needed me, you needed your dad.  We did our very best to learn what you needed and how to best give it to you.  We didn't always do everything perfectly, but we tried so hard to make you happy. Your little self was most happy curled up or cuddled into one of us, and I spent hours staring into your sleeping face, memorizing every tiny detail, not wanting to miss one single instance of who you were.

As you got a little older, you began to smile, to play, to love back in more concrete terms.  You reached for me, you smiled at me, you giggled that belly laugh that lights up my life.  You began to teach me even more what you needed, because now, in some ways, you could tell me.  You have always been so very inquisitive in play and in your little life.  You look at different objects, but it isn't enough to just play with them.  You want to know how they work.  You want to turn caps and press buttons, you realized very quickly by watching your daddy just how to turn his phone on, or where to point the remote so that it faces the television, even though we barely watched any tv as we got rid of the service so I could stay home more with you.

Nowadays, you walk your little self over to me, reach out your arms, and say "Up!" with a big smile, and of course I oblige because there is nothing better, even if I pick you up 600 times per day, I will never tire of your little arms reaching for mine.  You have started to really act like me, in some ways good, and in some ways, um, well, not as good :)  You love a lot of the food that I love already, and will eat pieces of pear or bites of quinoa any day of the week, just like I do.  You often just need reassurance that I'm there, with a hand or a foot touching me in some way, or quick looks every so often to make sure where I am in relation to you, things that I know I did with my own mother because of the strong connection I have with her, and how I need her.  You also like to have control of a situation.  You know exactly what you want, and you let your needs be known, just like I do, even when I shouldn't.  

If someday you stumble upon this post, the one thing I'd want you to know is just how much love I have for you.  It is never-ending.  You have made my life so much better in every little single thing you do, and I am so proud to call you my son.  Thank you for making me a better mother, wife, daughter, friend.  You are everything.



  1. This is so beautiful, what a wonderful memory to share with Bennett when he's older!

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