You may have noticed some silence on the blog this week. Well, that is because little man and I have been by our lonesome, as DH was on a work trip, plus a little family visit. Since he was gone, obviously, I was 100% of the care for our child, 100% of the care for our pets, 100% of the care for our home.
And let me tell you, single mamas (or dads!), you have my utmost respect now.
My days went fairly normal and as planned. On days that I was off, little man and I cuddled, cleaned, played, ran errands, etc. On days that I worked, I obviously, well, worked all day. It was the nighttime that was the hardest, and it was for all of the things I didn't think would be hard. I honestly thought that I would miss the help, mostly. I thought that having an extra pair of hands to baby wrangle or pick up the dishes from dinner or throw a load of diapers in the wash at the end of the day, that those things would impact me the most.
But that was WAY, way off. I mostly just missed my husband.
I missed how when he comes in the door after a long day at work, little man's face lights up. I missed hearing them giggle and play together while I make dinner. I missed how little man gets a huge smile and says, "Hi, Dada!" when DH comes in to help at the end of his bath. But even more, I missed him after little man went to sleep each night. Not having him to talk to (I know there are phone calls, but neither one of us are wonderful on the phone) at the end of my day, not knowing he is home or asleep when I go to sleep, those were the hardest things. Just the comfort of knowing that he is there, if I need him, even if we do retreat to our separate areas at night sometimes like an old, married couple.
At the end of each day this week, I was exhausted. But there was a limit on that. I knew that, on a certain day, DH would come home, and we would be back to life as normal. But a lot of parents out there don't have that. They don't have that other person to come home to and share their day, share their child, or share their burdens with in complete comfort. And, it really just made me sad to think about feeling the way I did today all the time.
So, after a long week, I just wanted to say a few simple things. DH, I am so completely and utterly in love with you, and so thankful that I have you. I know I tend to be a little dependent at times, a little obsessive sometimes, a little naggy (wait, did I just admit that???) at times, and you not only put up with my faults, but you celebrate them. Like when you decided to clean out our shoe closet by the back door just because you knew it would make me so happy. Or how you re-did the brick work on the front planter because it had sunk in, and you knew I was going crazy looking at it. You compensate for my downfalls, and you lift me up when I need a hand. You are my ear to listen to and my hand to hold when I'm falling asleep at night, and when you're not there, I feel empty.
I love you.